Marvel Vs. Capcom: War For Excellence (Part 1: Marvel)

So one of my favorite things to think about and discuss was always what would be the roster of the consummate, never-going-to-happen, perfect Marvel Vs. Capcom game.  I’ve found mine, based on the games we’ve already received.  We’re getting deep here, let’s go!  I picked 11 people for each team.

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1. Tony Stark

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This would not be the classic Iron Man that has been in every one of these games to date.  Rather, this version would be an unhelmeted Tony Stark, with the ability to summon drones, use his gauntlets, and his infinities would involve summoning different armors against different opponents. For example, if you’re fighting a bruiser, you’d want to use Veronica, whereas if you’re against someone fast and agile, you might use the Mark II armor… This would help change up some of the been-there-done-that aspect of this character.  Costume variants can include Rhodes as War Machine, or Norman Osborn as Iron Patriot.

2. Logan/Patch

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This version of Wolverine would be interesting because his days with the X-Men are over; this version of Wolverine is interesting and not necessarily based on the trained killer we’ve seen.  His ways are set, his hair is white, and his costumes are many.  His claws would be in by default with certain moves extending his bone claws with deadly precision; it’s as if you caught him in a bar brawl and he’s trying to hide his mutant nature.

3.  Reed Richards

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With his super-genius brain and extreme flexibility, Mr. Fantastic’s powers would look insane at MvC speeds!  There’s also potential for some funny specials and taunts with this guy.  I would prefer if they grab him when he’s older, as young Reed lacks that confidence and wisdom.

4. Kitty Pryde

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How brave does Capcom wanna get with player variability?  Imagine Kitty Pryde as a player, and instead of a block button, she has her phase mode, which maybe uses her meter or something.

5.  Blade

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The Daywalker himself, with gadgets and martial arts galore.  Costumes can include his movie costume, that time he stood in for Ronin, etc.  Blade is a Marvel character that should have definitely been considered before Ghost Rider of all people.  Bonus points if they can get Wesley Snipes to do the voice.  His Infinities can come from the anime:

“Blade’s sword-style revolves mainly around his mastery of Yagu Shinkage-ryu, a kenjutsu art that can unleash powerful shockwaves or transparent wind blades from his sword swings, allowing him to blast or slice respectively his opponents from a distance. The Yagu Shinkage-ryu also has three principle Yagyu techniques. The first technique, “The First Blade: Residual Moon”, draws a small circle with the tip of his sword, producing a perfectly tangible after-image of himself for diversions. The second technique “The Second Blade: Phantom Moon”, involves a high-speed spin, allowing Blade to launch an omni-directional slash in rapid succession with such intensity, it sets his strike ablaze. The final technique, “The Third Blade: Chaotic Moon”, launches several shadow blades around the opponent, hiding the user’s attack path with little chance of being noticed.” – Wikipedia

6. Storm (Head of the X-Men)

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That’s right, I’m specifically calling out Mohawk Storm.  This version of Storm defeated Cyclops for the mantle of leader.  She uses her close-combat skills rather than her later strategy of “float everywhere,” only using her crazy powers to bust out the big guns; I’m thinking combined gameplay styles of Thor and Cammy.

7. Deadpool

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I was against this until it happened, now I simply can’t do without.  Just leave him the way he is in MvC3 but with a decently hilarious Story Mode plot.  Let Ryan Reynolds do the voice this time though.  (Yes, the budget needs to be huge for this hypothetical game.)  Give him lots of hilarious costumes, including the girl Deadpool one.

8. Agent Venom

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Read this and tell me this isn’t a fresh version of Venom for the game… I’m thinking a fighting style half Cable/Punisher, half Venom Symbiote grossness.

Flash Thompson willingly leaves his place as a P.E. instructor to rejoin the Army and fight in the Iraq War out of patriotic zeal, inspired by the selfless life of his lifelong idol Spider-Man…

Flash’s platoon is ambushed, and Flash suffers several bullet wounds in both legs but continues on in an attempt to save his superior officer from danger. He willingly endangers himself, reasoning that Spider-Man had often committed the same sacrifices for everyone else, and glad to have had the opportunity to imitate him. His actions further damage his legs. This results in the need for them to be amputated below the knees. Flash’s sacrifice is enough to earn him a recommendation for the Medal of Honor.  He returns to New York, only to shock Peter with the loss of his legs. He reveals to Peter that Spider-Man was his inspiration in Iraq. – Wikipedia

Flash is then offered the Venom Symbiote, which would allow the use of his legs again and give him the symbiote’s incredible abilities.  He becomes Agent Venom.

9. Spider-Man (Miles Morales)

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Yep, let’s a put a Spider-Man who’s NOT Peter in the games, with a new moveset!  Peter/Ben Reilly/May Parker/Miguel O’Hara etc can be costume variants.  Let the new one be Childish Gambino’s Marvel voice-acting debut!  It would be cool to see Spider-Man’s Venom Strike and his Camouflage.

He also has two abilities that the original Spider-Man did not have: the ability to camouflage himself, including his clothing, to match his surroundings, and an electrical “venom strike” that can paralyze almost anyone with just a touch, including the electrically powered Electro. The venom strike can be conducted through Miles’ gloves. It can be used against an opponent at a distance by conducting it through a material in which both Miles and his opponent are in contact, such as the webbing of the Earth-616’s Spider-Man. The venom strike is powerful enough to render unconscious a person as large as Hank Pym’s Giant Man. It was powerful enough to drive away Venom during Miles’ first encounter with the creature, but by their second encounter, Venom had developed such a tolerance to the strike that Miles had to be completely enveloped by the symbiote before the venom strike could separate the symbiote from its host. The effect of the venom strike manifests itself a few seconds after it is implemented, and is described by Bendis as being comparable to the feeling of being kicked in the testicles. – Wikipedia

10. Captain America (Sam Wilson)

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The original Cap died, right?  That was a hard time for people.  Let’s use the opportunity create shock and awe.  Falcon picks up the mantle and becomes the first black Captain America.  Whoo! Freedom!

11. Maestro (Hulk)

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It’s a post-apocalyptic version of Hulk that is an evil, powerful, super-genius.  This story mode is fascinating before it’s even written!

Agree? Disagree?

Stay tuned for my post letting you see my choices for the Capcom side!

Lifestyle of the Big & Tall

“It’s hard to get around in a six-foot town when you’re ten feet tall, everything’s so small; I keep on bumping my head, I’m way too long for the bed – it’s hard to get around in a six-foot town.” – Big & Rich

I’ve been a pretty big guy my entire life.

No, wait, that’s a complete lie.

I’ve been a pretty big guy since about junior year of high school.  I grew a foot between sophomore and junior year.  (As in, I got a foot taller, not that I grew an extra appendage.)  The change was so drastic that I actually had to re-figure out my body coordination, and I was pretty clumsy while that happened.  (My voice also dropped down several octaves at the same time, so I also had to relearn every song the choir sang.)  One of the major adjustments was in the clothes I had to wear.

At the time, my school uniform was composed of polo shirts and khaki pants.  Polo shirts were easy enough to find; the school sold them, and a generic XXL fit me like a poncho fits everyone – better on big people but the small ones make do.  It was in looking for pants, however, that I first ran into difficulty.

Apparently, pants manufacturers are convinced that all tall people are skinny, and all big people are short.  What about us giants?  I’m at like entry-level giant status; there’s a world of 7 foot people and bodybuilders with massive torsos that need clothes too! Are we doomed to wear gym shorts until we get interviews and have giant tailored suits that make us look like professional wrestlers running for office?

My shoes are 15W.  That’s W for “Wide.”  As in, a regular 15 will not fit me – and neither will a 16, 17, or 18.  As if it wasn’t rare enough to find a size 15 (Ross ends their shoe section with the graceful “Size 13 and up”), I had to have another qualifier in my life, that “Wide” part that makes me look shorter than six feet because I have the feet of a hobbit.

Well almost.  Mine aren’t gross and hairy.

Why do they not make gloves for people like me?  They’d still fit small people.  From my pinky to my thumb spread out is about 26cm.  My hands remind me of that scene from Frankenstein with the accidental strangling of the little girl.

Apparently, men like me are supposed to walk around in sweats and massive Hawaiian shirts until we befriend a tailor – which sounds like a side-quest from The Witcher series.

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… and of course, the deal becomes more of a factor when it comes to clothes shopping.  Think of it this way; when you get a free shirt, you get x amount of fabric.  When I get a free shirt, it can double as a tent or blanket if I need it to.

With the burden of finding these clothes firmly set upon her shoulders, my brave wife took me to JCPenney’s last Saturday, where we found our treasure; blue polo shirts (brand was The Foundry if you’re curious) on clearance.  8.99 each.  With her coupon, the discount went even further.  We exited the store feeling like we had just robbed the place.

So the next time you see someone tall wearing some strange colors, remember that not all of us have options.

About This Here Power Rangers Reboot…

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Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, America!  We’re really doing this?  We’re going to make a reboot movie of a show which literally took action footage from another show and inserted white people to make a completely new show with roughly the same storylines and battle scenes?

Okay, I’m down.  But we all know this is going to be bad, right?  Even the best parts of the original show are bad.  Awesome?  Sure, but nobody thinks that this is going to be good, right?  Like am I going to be mad because Saban’s Power Rangers was overlooked by the Academy?  Every year, I keep expecting the acting for the latest Power Rangers franchise to get better because, hey, it’s 2016, maybe they figured it out by now.  No such luck.  The movie will not be better.  CG doesn’t make everything better.

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This is the armor Saban made for the very first movie.  Besides removing the lump that was the Yellow Ranger’s package (he was a man in Japan, you see) and making everyone shiny with little coin logos, there wasn’t much modification done.  Now we have alien cyber-suits, possibly some kind of bio-engineered thing.  But of course those aliens made sure the girls got boob cups and high heels.

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And let’s not forget our classy villain played by Academy Award Winner wait no sorry Elizabeth Banks.  She’ll be wearing an equally practical suit for ruling the world.  Is that part of her gauntlet doubling as shoulder armor for an otherwise bare shoulder?  She looks like a stand-in for Poison Ivy from Batman and Robin.

Ooh.  Just got a chill.  Must be a freeze coming.

The only way I’m really on board with this is if it really embraces what it is and doesn’t even try to be serious.  This is not going to be Chris Nolan material – heck I’ll be glad if it’s even Chris Rock material.

Half of the success of the Power Rangers is the amount of camp in it.  No camp = no Power Rangers.  If they try to get dark and gritty, or worse, go the way of CG = Everything.  If that happens, I wouldn’t be surprised if we got an apology to the fans a decade later.

I could swear I’ve seen something like this, where an alien suit gets dropped down and some kid finds it and uses it to fight the alien chasing after the suit… I could never find that movie.  I guess I won’t have that problem anymore after this.  Just…

(UPDATE 5/7/16: Because the Internet is mighty, I found it.  The movie is called Star Kid.  Don’t watch it.  Just rest knowing that it was found.  Curiosity satisfied.  Case closed.  Keep moving.  Don’t IMDB it.)

Are we sure we want millions spent on this?  Don’t we have a struggling education system that could use the money more?  What if they just made a new series with our own CG and solid acting and just aired it after Arrow on the CW until people realizes it won’t work, or it backfires and goes on for 10 more seasons and makes a lot of people famous?

Update 5/07/2016

I can’t believe I didn’t see this before: WHERE’S FREAKIN’ TOMMY?!

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I mean, yes, they’re probably doing the whole evil to good arc considering that’s the only story arc worth anything from Mighty Morphin’, but still… how dare they cause us to doubt his presence.  Obviously if they can’t get JDF in there they should at least have the character.