Marvel Vs. Capcom: War For Excellence (Part 1: Marvel)

So one of my favorite things to think about and discuss was always what would be the roster of the consummate, never-going-to-happen, perfect Marvel Vs. Capcom game.  I’ve found mine, based on the games we’ve already received.  We’re getting deep here, let’s go!  I picked 11 people for each team.

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1. Tony Stark

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This would not be the classic Iron Man that has been in every one of these games to date.  Rather, this version would be an unhelmeted Tony Stark, with the ability to summon drones, use his gauntlets, and his infinities would involve summoning different armors against different opponents. For example, if you’re fighting a bruiser, you’d want to use Veronica, whereas if you’re against someone fast and agile, you might use the Mark II armor… This would help change up some of the been-there-done-that aspect of this character.  Costume variants can include Rhodes as War Machine, or Norman Osborn as Iron Patriot.

2. Logan/Patch

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This version of Wolverine would be interesting because his days with the X-Men are over; this version of Wolverine is interesting and not necessarily based on the trained killer we’ve seen.  His ways are set, his hair is white, and his costumes are many.  His claws would be in by default with certain moves extending his bone claws with deadly precision; it’s as if you caught him in a bar brawl and he’s trying to hide his mutant nature.

3.  Reed Richards

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With his super-genius brain and extreme flexibility, Mr. Fantastic’s powers would look insane at MvC speeds!  There’s also potential for some funny specials and taunts with this guy.  I would prefer if they grab him when he’s older, as young Reed lacks that confidence and wisdom.

4. Kitty Pryde

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How brave does Capcom wanna get with player variability?  Imagine Kitty Pryde as a player, and instead of a block button, she has her phase mode, which maybe uses her meter or something.

5.  Blade

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The Daywalker himself, with gadgets and martial arts galore.  Costumes can include his movie costume, that time he stood in for Ronin, etc.  Blade is a Marvel character that should have definitely been considered before Ghost Rider of all people.  Bonus points if they can get Wesley Snipes to do the voice.  His Infinities can come from the anime:

“Blade’s sword-style revolves mainly around his mastery of Yagu Shinkage-ryu, a kenjutsu art that can unleash powerful shockwaves or transparent wind blades from his sword swings, allowing him to blast or slice respectively his opponents from a distance. The Yagu Shinkage-ryu also has three principle Yagyu techniques. The first technique, “The First Blade: Residual Moon”, draws a small circle with the tip of his sword, producing a perfectly tangible after-image of himself for diversions. The second technique “The Second Blade: Phantom Moon”, involves a high-speed spin, allowing Blade to launch an omni-directional slash in rapid succession with such intensity, it sets his strike ablaze. The final technique, “The Third Blade: Chaotic Moon”, launches several shadow blades around the opponent, hiding the user’s attack path with little chance of being noticed.” – Wikipedia

6. Storm (Head of the X-Men)

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That’s right, I’m specifically calling out Mohawk Storm.  This version of Storm defeated Cyclops for the mantle of leader.  She uses her close-combat skills rather than her later strategy of “float everywhere,” only using her crazy powers to bust out the big guns; I’m thinking combined gameplay styles of Thor and Cammy.

7. Deadpool

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I was against this until it happened, now I simply can’t do without.  Just leave him the way he is in MvC3 but with a decently hilarious Story Mode plot.  Let Ryan Reynolds do the voice this time though.  (Yes, the budget needs to be huge for this hypothetical game.)  Give him lots of hilarious costumes, including the girl Deadpool one.

8. Agent Venom

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Read this and tell me this isn’t a fresh version of Venom for the game… I’m thinking a fighting style half Cable/Punisher, half Venom Symbiote grossness.

Flash Thompson willingly leaves his place as a P.E. instructor to rejoin the Army and fight in the Iraq War out of patriotic zeal, inspired by the selfless life of his lifelong idol Spider-Man…

Flash’s platoon is ambushed, and Flash suffers several bullet wounds in both legs but continues on in an attempt to save his superior officer from danger. He willingly endangers himself, reasoning that Spider-Man had often committed the same sacrifices for everyone else, and glad to have had the opportunity to imitate him. His actions further damage his legs. This results in the need for them to be amputated below the knees. Flash’s sacrifice is enough to earn him a recommendation for the Medal of Honor.  He returns to New York, only to shock Peter with the loss of his legs. He reveals to Peter that Spider-Man was his inspiration in Iraq. – Wikipedia

Flash is then offered the Venom Symbiote, which would allow the use of his legs again and give him the symbiote’s incredible abilities.  He becomes Agent Venom.

9. Spider-Man (Miles Morales)

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Yep, let’s a put a Spider-Man who’s NOT Peter in the games, with a new moveset!  Peter/Ben Reilly/May Parker/Miguel O’Hara etc can be costume variants.  Let the new one be Childish Gambino’s Marvel voice-acting debut!  It would be cool to see Spider-Man’s Venom Strike and his Camouflage.

He also has two abilities that the original Spider-Man did not have: the ability to camouflage himself, including his clothing, to match his surroundings, and an electrical “venom strike” that can paralyze almost anyone with just a touch, including the electrically powered Electro. The venom strike can be conducted through Miles’ gloves. It can be used against an opponent at a distance by conducting it through a material in which both Miles and his opponent are in contact, such as the webbing of the Earth-616’s Spider-Man. The venom strike is powerful enough to render unconscious a person as large as Hank Pym’s Giant Man. It was powerful enough to drive away Venom during Miles’ first encounter with the creature, but by their second encounter, Venom had developed such a tolerance to the strike that Miles had to be completely enveloped by the symbiote before the venom strike could separate the symbiote from its host. The effect of the venom strike manifests itself a few seconds after it is implemented, and is described by Bendis as being comparable to the feeling of being kicked in the testicles. – Wikipedia

10. Captain America (Sam Wilson)

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The original Cap died, right?  That was a hard time for people.  Let’s use the opportunity create shock and awe.  Falcon picks up the mantle and becomes the first black Captain America.  Whoo! Freedom!

11. Maestro (Hulk)

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It’s a post-apocalyptic version of Hulk that is an evil, powerful, super-genius.  This story mode is fascinating before it’s even written!

Agree? Disagree?

Stay tuned for my post letting you see my choices for the Capcom side!

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Lifestyle of the Big & Tall

“It’s hard to get around in a six-foot town when you’re ten feet tall, everything’s so small; I keep on bumping my head, I’m way too long for the bed – it’s hard to get around in a six-foot town.” – Big & Rich

I’ve been a pretty big guy my entire life.

No, wait, that’s a complete lie.

I’ve been a pretty big guy since about junior year of high school.  I grew a foot between sophomore and junior year.  (As in, I got a foot taller, not that I grew an extra appendage.)  The change was so drastic that I actually had to re-figure out my body coordination, and I was pretty clumsy while that happened.  (My voice also dropped down several octaves at the same time, so I also had to relearn every song the choir sang.)  One of the major adjustments was in the clothes I had to wear.

At the time, my school uniform was composed of polo shirts and khaki pants.  Polo shirts were easy enough to find; the school sold them, and a generic XXL fit me like a poncho fits everyone – better on big people but the small ones make do.  It was in looking for pants, however, that I first ran into difficulty.

Apparently, pants manufacturers are convinced that all tall people are skinny, and all big people are short.  What about us giants?  I’m at like entry-level giant status; there’s a world of 7 foot people and bodybuilders with massive torsos that need clothes too! Are we doomed to wear gym shorts until we get interviews and have giant tailored suits that make us look like professional wrestlers running for office?

My shoes are 15W.  That’s W for “Wide.”  As in, a regular 15 will not fit me – and neither will a 16, 17, or 18.  As if it wasn’t rare enough to find a size 15 (Ross ends their shoe section with the graceful “Size 13 and up”), I had to have another qualifier in my life, that “Wide” part that makes me look shorter than six feet because I have the feet of a hobbit.

Well almost.  Mine aren’t gross and hairy.

Why do they not make gloves for people like me?  They’d still fit small people.  From my pinky to my thumb spread out is about 26cm.  My hands remind me of that scene from Frankenstein with the accidental strangling of the little girl.

Apparently, men like me are supposed to walk around in sweats and massive Hawaiian shirts until we befriend a tailor – which sounds like a side-quest from The Witcher series.

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… and of course, the deal becomes more of a factor when it comes to clothes shopping.  Think of it this way; when you get a free shirt, you get x amount of fabric.  When I get a free shirt, it can double as a tent or blanket if I need it to.

With the burden of finding these clothes firmly set upon her shoulders, my brave wife took me to JCPenney’s last Saturday, where we found our treasure; blue polo shirts (brand was The Foundry if you’re curious) on clearance.  8.99 each.  With her coupon, the discount went even further.  We exited the store feeling like we had just robbed the place.

So the next time you see someone tall wearing some strange colors, remember that not all of us have options.

About This Here Power Rangers Reboot…

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Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, America!  We’re really doing this?  We’re going to make a reboot movie of a show which literally took action footage from another show and inserted white people to make a completely new show with roughly the same storylines and battle scenes?

Okay, I’m down.  But we all know this is going to be bad, right?  Even the best parts of the original show are bad.  Awesome?  Sure, but nobody thinks that this is going to be good, right?  Like am I going to be mad because Saban’s Power Rangers was overlooked by the Academy?  Every year, I keep expecting the acting for the latest Power Rangers franchise to get better because, hey, it’s 2016, maybe they figured it out by now.  No such luck.  The movie will not be better.  CG doesn’t make everything better.

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This is the armor Saban made for the very first movie.  Besides removing the lump that was the Yellow Ranger’s package (he was a man in Japan, you see) and making everyone shiny with little coin logos, there wasn’t much modification done.  Now we have alien cyber-suits, possibly some kind of bio-engineered thing.  But of course those aliens made sure the girls got boob cups and high heels.

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And let’s not forget our classy villain played by Academy Award Winner wait no sorry Elizabeth Banks.  She’ll be wearing an equally practical suit for ruling the world.  Is that part of her gauntlet doubling as shoulder armor for an otherwise bare shoulder?  She looks like a stand-in for Poison Ivy from Batman and Robin.

Ooh.  Just got a chill.  Must be a freeze coming.

The only way I’m really on board with this is if it really embraces what it is and doesn’t even try to be serious.  This is not going to be Chris Nolan material – heck I’ll be glad if it’s even Chris Rock material.

Half of the success of the Power Rangers is the amount of camp in it.  No camp = no Power Rangers.  If they try to get dark and gritty, or worse, go the way of CG = Everything.  If that happens, I wouldn’t be surprised if we got an apology to the fans a decade later.

I could swear I’ve seen something like this, where an alien suit gets dropped down and some kid finds it and uses it to fight the alien chasing after the suit… I could never find that movie.  I guess I won’t have that problem anymore after this.  Just…

(UPDATE 5/7/16: Because the Internet is mighty, I found it.  The movie is called Star Kid.  Don’t watch it.  Just rest knowing that it was found.  Curiosity satisfied.  Case closed.  Keep moving.  Don’t IMDB it.)

Are we sure we want millions spent on this?  Don’t we have a struggling education system that could use the money more?  What if they just made a new series with our own CG and solid acting and just aired it after Arrow on the CW until people realizes it won’t work, or it backfires and goes on for 10 more seasons and makes a lot of people famous?

Update 5/07/2016

I can’t believe I didn’t see this before: WHERE’S FREAKIN’ TOMMY?!

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I mean, yes, they’re probably doing the whole evil to good arc considering that’s the only story arc worth anything from Mighty Morphin’, but still… how dare they cause us to doubt his presence.  Obviously if they can’t get JDF in there they should at least have the character.

Dragon Ball Evolution Writer Apologizes to Fans | The Dao of Dragon Ball

Apparently, the writer of Dragon Ball: Evolution has apologized to fans for writing that monstrosity of a movie.  I think it’s admirable for him to put the onus on himself considering there was way more than awful writing going on with that movie.  Also, there are many who suspect that if not for this horrible movie, Toriyama wouldn’t have come back with Battle of the Gods and Resurrection of F, not to mention his decision to continue the series.

“I went into the project chasing after a big payday, not as a fan of the franchise but as a businessman taking on an assignment. I have learned that when you go into a creative endeavor without passion you come out with sub-optimal results, and sometimes flat out garbage. So I’m not blaming anyone for Dragonball but myself. As a fanboy of other series, I know what it’s like to have something you love and anticipate be so disappointing.”

We forgive you.  Now let’s forget.  Forever.  Don’t be that guy that keeps getting our attention so you can keep apologizing.  We all want to forget this movie.

Source: Dragon Ball Evolution Writer Apologizes to Fans | The Dao of Dragon Ball

What Do I Think Heaven Looks Like?

My personal heaven would look like a Las Vegas buffet.  All the people you would want to eat with are at the food table, yet inexplicably there would be one space at the food table open for you to stand, seemingly in the middle of the line.  From that one space, all the food in your arms’ reach are your favorites (be it sushi, lobster, or Costco hot dogs), and waiting for you to load your tray (which is found under the table) is a small dish on which sit your own monogrammed serving utensils.  You could eat as much as you want, try other people’s favorites, talk and talk and never get sick.  You would just feel a satisfied, full feeling for the day.

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I would hang this sign in my bedroom if I had enough wall.

Details of this experience include:

  • no sticky fingers.
  • self-refilling beverages.
  • that food replicating trick Jesus did with the fish so you don’t really need to get up to refill your plate.
  • nothing stains. (Heaven is WHITE)
  • hair stays out of food.

Even though you’re dead, humans keep on creating neat things.  Heaven loves this, so of course there’s a flawless Wi-Fi connection available throughout paradise.  It may go out once a year, but everyone knows by then to wait 3 days before assuming it’s gone.  You could still watch all the latest movies that you missed out on by dying.  Your dog would eventually join you if it didn’t die first, and now you can feed it all the food you want to without ruining his health.

Everyone wears sandals, but you can’t stub your toes.

Hell would be the same buffet, but every time you try to get food, it’s just closing.  The Wi-Fi works, but you can only connect every 2 minutes, and it goes out every 4 seconds if you use up your 30-Day trial period, which started about 29 days before you died.

You always stub your toe.  No callus is built, it hurts like a virgin toe every time.

Kylo Ren and Darth Vader (Not a Review)

This is not a review of The Force Awakens.  This is a discussion of Jacen Ben Solo’s arc.  Specifically, comparing it to the arc of Anakin Skywalker.  I don’t claim to have any kind of canonical authority, just an opinion with lots of facts to back it up.  Let’s start with the punk whiner baby first.

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I never really bought the Anakin to Vader transformation.  Don’t get me wrong, this kid had Dark Side all over him.  However, as far as character transformations go, Darth Vader was nothing like Anakin.  Anakin Skywalker was a whiny man-child with raging hormones.  He was angry pretty much all of the time.  His murders were crimes of passion.  His decisions were rash, bold, and improvised.  His major sin was Wrath, followed closely by Envy and Greed.

The taking of Tantive IV (by Jerry Vanderstelt)

Darth Vader may have been a servant of the dark side, but he always struck me as cold.  Darth Vader’s presence was chilling and inhuman.  He seemed to know your thoughts before you thought them.  He killed swiftly and brutally, punishing his opponents relentlessly.  He killed all who got in his way, even if it was his own subordinates giving a show of incompetence – he would dispatch them quickly, with the turnover for his second-in-command subordinate rank in any mission notoriously high.  Darth Vader did not yell in anger.  He did not cry out in rage.  Well, not after that first time.

That was the major problem.  Anakin Skywalker was supposedly seduced.  He was supposedly a victim.  Darth Vader is nobody’s victim.  If you look at Darth Vader, his character is completely different from Anakin’s in more ways than just which side he’s on.  When did Anakin become so cunning?  Using the torture of Han and Leia to lure his son via the Force so that he could ambush his son and freeze him in carbonite (The Empire Strikes Back)?  That’s not an Anakin plan.  That’s a Vader plan.

In fact, it’s a bit ironic that the Jedi Order promotes a lack of passion and serenity, because it almost seems like Anakin attains this by becoming what Obi-Wan called “more machine now than a man.”  As Vader, he feels no love, has no possessions, and feels no jealousy… or at least that’s the vibe that he gives.  For someone whose power flared the most in times of passion, Anakin lost everything that made him turn in the first place… and not just literally.

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… oops.

Would Vader, the villain of IV, V, and VI lose himself and kill his entire reason for turning to the Dark Side in the first place?  No way.  That’s some Anakin tomfoolery.  Vader is cool and calculating.  Vader does not look like someone who was just turned to the Dark Side.  Vader is a master of the Dark Side.

How does Vader find this mastery?  Could it be that some promises were kept between him and Sidious the Liar Who Transparently Offers You What You Want at That Exact Moment?  I read the Darth Vader book that supposedly takes place right after Revenge of the Sith in search of this answer, but to no avail.  Yes, it showed a bit of the Darth Vader Learning Curve, but nothing about how he went from the screaming, hormonal, unwieldy, potent, explosive rage monkey of unspeakable and often uncontrollable power to the icy, relentless presence of Darth Vader.  I’m pretty sure I saw Luke hit this guy twice with his lightsaber and he kept on coming.  Han Solo shot him, but he simply absorbed the energy of the blaster bolts into his hands.  (As Corran Horn would later learn to do to a greater extent.  Read I, Jedi for more info… you know, after you read the rest of the Jedi Academy books.)

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Enter Darth Caedus Kylo Ren.  Unlike Vader, this character is extremely angry.  All the time.  He is also conflicted, as if traumatized by the recent stress of turning his back on all that he was taught as a child.  The Dark Side is a big, powerful thing that he has just joined as an older person.  Not trusting its volatile nature save when needed in moments of sheer destruction, Ben Solo uses his lightsaber more than his Force abilities, which are fierce indeed, showing us some feats never used before.

Ben knows his grandfather was full of the same rage… yet Vader was obviously on point with his powers, never showing his emotions.  Never letting them consume him.  Ben is adamant about finishing Vader’s work.  He has vowed to learn from Vader’s mistakes too, as evidenced by the handguards on his saber that would easily prevent the wielder from getting his hand severed.  You know, like in every single movie so far.

(UPDATE 5/2/2016: I know that the official explanation is that the quillons of the saber is formed from  raw power vented out the sides from the primary central blade.  Whatever you say, what do I know?  I’m only an expert in the LEGENDS of Star Wars, not the CANON.)

Ben Solo looks a lot like his grandfather in terms of style choices.  In fact, for those of us who just watched RotS, the resemblence is uncanny.  He has shown himself to be powerful and extremely angry as well.  Immediately we think of Anakin in his “prime.”

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Look at this beast.  In his prime, Anakin was uniquely gifted with powers of an unprecedented magnitude, even if they were not extremely diverse in variety as Ben Solo’s abilities.  He was a superb duelist, with Temple training and Jedi experience built in to his combat repertoire.  Anakin Skywalker, Hero of the Jedi.

But we know that Ben Solo is no Anakin.  He is not dogmatically sure that what he is doing is right.  He has no Padme to blind him.  We have no idea what Snoke used to get him… all we know is that for some reason, he identifies with Darth Vader on a near obsessive level.  Why?  Have they both experienced love?  Is he wondering how Vader could turn, and become so powerful as to master the Dark Side without any kind of doubt, such that he could kill his mentor – which perhaps Ben attempts to mirror in his father’s murder for the same kind of catharsis?

Well, for one thing, we know that Anakin’s story is not one of the best-preserved pieces of history in the Star Wars Universe.  Nobody seems to recognize Vader as Anakin… ever.  So really all the knowledge Ben logically has at this point is that Anakin became Vader in the pursuit of power… and according to Vader’s reputation, Ben has to assume that he got what he wanted.

Ben will never be Vader.  This has to eat him.  Maybe he’ll try cyborging himself one day in an attempt to try.  He wants to be Vader, but this is shown especially in the way he is only human.  He is injured twice by Finn, defeated by Rey, and let’s not forget shot in the side by Chewie’s bowcaster.  He can’t keep on coming like Vader can.  Not yet.

I think that when Ben finally finds out enough, and does enough, such that he can truly understand his grandfather, he will also find himself in a position more than ever to understand why Vader came back to the light.  I think Ben’s last moments will be those of redemption, even as we hit Episode VIII, where it’s – as Kevin Hart would put it – about to go down.