Category Archives: Entertainment

The Rock is Terrifying – Review

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Central Intelligence definitely has all the appearances of a mass-market, mainstream product of the Hollywood movie factory.  After all, you have Kevin Hart – who has been blowing up with his new stand-up movie, 2 Ride-Alongs and 2 Think Like a Mans… and Dwayne Johnson, who has been subtly trying to get my attention in comedy movies for some time now.  Why not just the adrenaline-charged serious action movies, Dwayne?

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Johnson has been walking that typecast line for a while.  With knockout roles in GI Joe, The Fast & Furious series, and remakes like Walking Tall, Escape From Witch Mountain, and the upcoming Jumanji, he has more or less played the same character, with varying degrees of charisma depending on the movie’s requirements.  With his intelligence varying from doofus Pain & Gain levels to the cunning Hobbs introduced in Fast Five, I have yet to see him in a role that required more from him than an angry, determined look and a muscle flex.

Kevin Hart, similarly, has been in the same role for much of his movies: the insecure, self-absorbed goofball that always tries to talk his way out of situations.  I actually began to tire of this character after the second Ride-Along movie, and I was prepared to groan at his resurgence with this new venture.

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Surprise, surprise, Kevin Hart is the straight man in this movie.  His character, nicknamed in high school as “The Golden Jet,” is not only a normal person, but he’s faced with very real passions, problems, and insecurities.  He’s worried that he peaked in high school, and that he is less of a man because of it.  This insecurity leaks into his relationships.

Meanwhile, The Rock has been thrust into the comedic role.  The movie not only calls his sanity into question throughout the entire running time, but also uses close-ups to show… emotion?  On The Rock?  It’s like they gave him one of those charts with the different feelings and what they look like.

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Central Intelligence is hilariously fun.  Kevin Hart is satisfyingly fresh and comical as the straight man because that’s what makes his stand-up funny; he’s a relatable, insecure guy with real concerns.  Seeing that man flustered is too funny.

The Rock is hilarious because he’s honestly terrifying.  Not in his usual way – in a deranged way.  If one of my friends began acting like he does in this movie, I would have run far, far away within the first five or six minutes.  Most of the laughter at Johnson’s antics starts with nervous laughter.  The action is fun, over-the-top, but not 21-Jump Street insane.

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That’s not to say that this is a perfect movie.  No way.  The beginning of this movie reminds me of 17 Again in all of the wrong ways, and features some of the most horrendous CGI of the decade.  The Golden Jet’s love interest is vapid and cardboard, convinced that they need counseling with little to no evidence of any real problem between the two.  Yet somehow, I know that when this title goes on sale I’ll be there to swoop it up.  Definitely worth a Red Box night with the lady.

On a scale of Doom to Fast Five, I give this movie a Get Smart.  It’s funny, full of action, and has some excellent scenes, but has little to actually remember.

Marvel Vs. Capcom: War For Excellence (Part 1: Marvel)

So one of my favorite things to think about and discuss was always what would be the roster of the consummate, never-going-to-happen, perfect Marvel Vs. Capcom game.  I’ve found mine, based on the games we’ve already received.  We’re getting deep here, let’s go!  I picked 11 people for each team.

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1. Tony Stark

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This would not be the classic Iron Man that has been in every one of these games to date.  Rather, this version would be an unhelmeted Tony Stark, with the ability to summon drones, use his gauntlets, and his infinities would involve summoning different armors against different opponents. For example, if you’re fighting a bruiser, you’d want to use Veronica, whereas if you’re against someone fast and agile, you might use the Mark II armor… This would help change up some of the been-there-done-that aspect of this character.  Costume variants can include Rhodes as War Machine, or Norman Osborn as Iron Patriot.

2. Logan/Patch

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This version of Wolverine would be interesting because his days with the X-Men are over; this version of Wolverine is interesting and not necessarily based on the trained killer we’ve seen.  His ways are set, his hair is white, and his costumes are many.  His claws would be in by default with certain moves extending his bone claws with deadly precision; it’s as if you caught him in a bar brawl and he’s trying to hide his mutant nature.

3.  Reed Richards

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With his super-genius brain and extreme flexibility, Mr. Fantastic’s powers would look insane at MvC speeds!  There’s also potential for some funny specials and taunts with this guy.  I would prefer if they grab him when he’s older, as young Reed lacks that confidence and wisdom.

4. Kitty Pryde

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How brave does Capcom wanna get with player variability?  Imagine Kitty Pryde as a player, and instead of a block button, she has her phase mode, which maybe uses her meter or something.

5.  Blade

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The Daywalker himself, with gadgets and martial arts galore.  Costumes can include his movie costume, that time he stood in for Ronin, etc.  Blade is a Marvel character that should have definitely been considered before Ghost Rider of all people.  Bonus points if they can get Wesley Snipes to do the voice.  His Infinities can come from the anime:

“Blade’s sword-style revolves mainly around his mastery of Yagu Shinkage-ryu, a kenjutsu art that can unleash powerful shockwaves or transparent wind blades from his sword swings, allowing him to blast or slice respectively his opponents from a distance. The Yagu Shinkage-ryu also has three principle Yagyu techniques. The first technique, “The First Blade: Residual Moon”, draws a small circle with the tip of his sword, producing a perfectly tangible after-image of himself for diversions. The second technique “The Second Blade: Phantom Moon”, involves a high-speed spin, allowing Blade to launch an omni-directional slash in rapid succession with such intensity, it sets his strike ablaze. The final technique, “The Third Blade: Chaotic Moon”, launches several shadow blades around the opponent, hiding the user’s attack path with little chance of being noticed.” – Wikipedia

6. Storm (Head of the X-Men)

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That’s right, I’m specifically calling out Mohawk Storm.  This version of Storm defeated Cyclops for the mantle of leader.  She uses her close-combat skills rather than her later strategy of “float everywhere,” only using her crazy powers to bust out the big guns; I’m thinking combined gameplay styles of Thor and Cammy.

7. Deadpool

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I was against this until it happened, now I simply can’t do without.  Just leave him the way he is in MvC3 but with a decently hilarious Story Mode plot.  Let Ryan Reynolds do the voice this time though.  (Yes, the budget needs to be huge for this hypothetical game.)  Give him lots of hilarious costumes, including the girl Deadpool one.

8. Agent Venom

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Read this and tell me this isn’t a fresh version of Venom for the game… I’m thinking a fighting style half Cable/Punisher, half Venom Symbiote grossness.

Flash Thompson willingly leaves his place as a P.E. instructor to rejoin the Army and fight in the Iraq War out of patriotic zeal, inspired by the selfless life of his lifelong idol Spider-Man…

Flash’s platoon is ambushed, and Flash suffers several bullet wounds in both legs but continues on in an attempt to save his superior officer from danger. He willingly endangers himself, reasoning that Spider-Man had often committed the same sacrifices for everyone else, and glad to have had the opportunity to imitate him. His actions further damage his legs. This results in the need for them to be amputated below the knees. Flash’s sacrifice is enough to earn him a recommendation for the Medal of Honor.  He returns to New York, only to shock Peter with the loss of his legs. He reveals to Peter that Spider-Man was his inspiration in Iraq. – Wikipedia

Flash is then offered the Venom Symbiote, which would allow the use of his legs again and give him the symbiote’s incredible abilities.  He becomes Agent Venom.

9. Spider-Man (Miles Morales)

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Yep, let’s a put a Spider-Man who’s NOT Peter in the games, with a new moveset!  Peter/Ben Reilly/May Parker/Miguel O’Hara etc can be costume variants.  Let the new one be Childish Gambino’s Marvel voice-acting debut!  It would be cool to see Spider-Man’s Venom Strike and his Camouflage.

He also has two abilities that the original Spider-Man did not have: the ability to camouflage himself, including his clothing, to match his surroundings, and an electrical “venom strike” that can paralyze almost anyone with just a touch, including the electrically powered Electro. The venom strike can be conducted through Miles’ gloves. It can be used against an opponent at a distance by conducting it through a material in which both Miles and his opponent are in contact, such as the webbing of the Earth-616’s Spider-Man. The venom strike is powerful enough to render unconscious a person as large as Hank Pym’s Giant Man. It was powerful enough to drive away Venom during Miles’ first encounter with the creature, but by their second encounter, Venom had developed such a tolerance to the strike that Miles had to be completely enveloped by the symbiote before the venom strike could separate the symbiote from its host. The effect of the venom strike manifests itself a few seconds after it is implemented, and is described by Bendis as being comparable to the feeling of being kicked in the testicles. – Wikipedia

10. Captain America (Sam Wilson)

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The original Cap died, right?  That was a hard time for people.  Let’s use the opportunity create shock and awe.  Falcon picks up the mantle and becomes the first black Captain America.  Whoo! Freedom!

11. Maestro (Hulk)

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It’s a post-apocalyptic version of Hulk that is an evil, powerful, super-genius.  This story mode is fascinating before it’s even written!

Agree? Disagree?

Stay tuned for my post letting you see my choices for the Capcom side!

About This Here Power Rangers Reboot…

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Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, America!  We’re really doing this?  We’re going to make a reboot movie of a show which literally took action footage from another show and inserted white people to make a completely new show with roughly the same storylines and battle scenes?

Okay, I’m down.  But we all know this is going to be bad, right?  Even the best parts of the original show are bad.  Awesome?  Sure, but nobody thinks that this is going to be good, right?  Like am I going to be mad because Saban’s Power Rangers was overlooked by the Academy?  Every year, I keep expecting the acting for the latest Power Rangers franchise to get better because, hey, it’s 2016, maybe they figured it out by now.  No such luck.  The movie will not be better.  CG doesn’t make everything better.

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This is the armor Saban made for the very first movie.  Besides removing the lump that was the Yellow Ranger’s package (he was a man in Japan, you see) and making everyone shiny with little coin logos, there wasn’t much modification done.  Now we have alien cyber-suits, possibly some kind of bio-engineered thing.  But of course those aliens made sure the girls got boob cups and high heels.

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And let’s not forget our classy villain played by Academy Award Winner wait no sorry Elizabeth Banks.  She’ll be wearing an equally practical suit for ruling the world.  Is that part of her gauntlet doubling as shoulder armor for an otherwise bare shoulder?  She looks like a stand-in for Poison Ivy from Batman and Robin.

Ooh.  Just got a chill.  Must be a freeze coming.

The only way I’m really on board with this is if it really embraces what it is and doesn’t even try to be serious.  This is not going to be Chris Nolan material – heck I’ll be glad if it’s even Chris Rock material.

Half of the success of the Power Rangers is the amount of camp in it.  No camp = no Power Rangers.  If they try to get dark and gritty, or worse, go the way of CG = Everything.  If that happens, I wouldn’t be surprised if we got an apology to the fans a decade later.

I could swear I’ve seen something like this, where an alien suit gets dropped down and some kid finds it and uses it to fight the alien chasing after the suit… I could never find that movie.  I guess I won’t have that problem anymore after this.  Just…

(UPDATE 5/7/16: Because the Internet is mighty, I found it.  The movie is called Star Kid.  Don’t watch it.  Just rest knowing that it was found.  Curiosity satisfied.  Case closed.  Keep moving.  Don’t IMDB it.)

Are we sure we want millions spent on this?  Don’t we have a struggling education system that could use the money more?  What if they just made a new series with our own CG and solid acting and just aired it after Arrow on the CW until people realizes it won’t work, or it backfires and goes on for 10 more seasons and makes a lot of people famous?

Update 5/07/2016

I can’t believe I didn’t see this before: WHERE’S FREAKIN’ TOMMY?!

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I mean, yes, they’re probably doing the whole evil to good arc considering that’s the only story arc worth anything from Mighty Morphin’, but still… how dare they cause us to doubt his presence.  Obviously if they can’t get JDF in there they should at least have the character.