Servings and Portions

Nothing takes the fun out of food quite like dieting – and nothing takes the morale out of dieting than paying attention to serving size in order to determine your portions.  Let’s face it: serving sizes are nowhere near actual portion size.  Companies are really good at shrinking those numbers. Is your frozen pizza too many calories?  Well, what about half a slice?  Well, from now on, that’s a serving.

I’ve lost some weight this summer, but sometimes I allow myself a cheat or two with one serving of something sinful.  Today I wanted some Chewy Chips Ahoy!

A serving of Chewy Chips Ahoy is 2 cookies.  Each cookie is like 2 to 2.5 inches in diameter. Has anyone ever eaten just two of these?  They’re the same size as a Ritz cracker.  I might as well not have any if I’m just going to eat two!

I had four.

A suggested serving size of eggs is one egg.  One.  Who has “an egg” without having other things with it?

– “What’s for breakfast?”

– “An egg.”

Nobody Happy

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The phrase is Green EGGS and Ham!  People eat EGGS for breakfast!  Worse, eggs are PART of any respectable breakfast, let alone the main focus!  I crack two eggs into my fried rice recipe like it’s nothing!  I crack eggs into my french toast egg wash, and then I eat my french toast – WITH EGGS.  I haven’t used “egg” as a singular noun out loud in years!  I’ve used “egg” as in the substance… like you’d use water.  “Mix that with egg!”

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Apparently you’re just not supposed to eat pizza. “Well… maybe just one…”  Think again.  You eat one slice of pizza, and nutritionally you’ve eaten too much pizza, and you’re going to die.  (Real pizza, so don’t comment about any kind of cauliflower crust garbage.)  Pizza parties are for athletic events because only athletes can burn away the awfulness that pizza does to your body.

But restaurant portions are so huge!  How can they possibly do this?!

Let’s say you order a small order of McDonald’s fries. (Here I did research, but I’m not going to cite it here because it was really easy to Google.)  That’s about 230 calories and about 50 fries.  That’s about 4.6 calories a fry.  That’s 230 calories for roughly 2.6 ounces of food.

Yeah that’s right.  Mix THAT with an egg!

I dare you to look at the nutrition facts of Ritz crackers… AFTER you’ve eaten a roll.  Make sure you’re sitting down… which you probably will be if you’re eating a roll of Ritz.

It’s enough to make me want to sleep until tomorrow just so I don’t eat anything.

If we as human beings are supposed to abide by these serving sizes, then that restaurant Flames would have its owners answering to so many cases of accessory to murder.  Even in the prime of my eating days in college, during which I gained maybe 150 lbs, I could not finish something from Flames.

b908ebd8f9e447996c4c06fcd4a3d0a5And then the waiter always comes back talking about “Leave any room for dessert?”  How do they sell ANY dessert?  Can someone explain to me how somebody can have dessert here without having it as part of their plan from the get-go?  Plus, what are you supposed to eat here?  THEIR CAKES?!

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I refuse to Google the nutrition information, because I feel like even though it’s in my past, I might simply die just from acknowledging the number of calories that I ingested from this place.

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