What Do I Think Heaven Looks Like?

My personal heaven would look like a Las Vegas buffet.  All the people you would want to eat with are at the food table, yet inexplicably there would be one space at the food table open for you to stand, seemingly in the middle of the line.  From that one space, all the food in your arms’ reach are your favorites (be it sushi, lobster, or Costco hot dogs), and waiting for you to load your tray (which is found under the table) is a small dish on which sit your own monogrammed serving utensils.  You could eat as much as you want, try other people’s favorites, talk and talk and never get sick.  You would just feel a satisfied, full feeling for the day.

costco
I would hang this sign in my bedroom if I had enough wall.

Details of this experience include:

  • no sticky fingers.
  • self-refilling beverages.
  • that food replicating trick Jesus did with the fish so you don’t really need to get up to refill your plate.
  • nothing stains. (Heaven is WHITE)
  • hair stays out of food.

Even though you’re dead, humans keep on creating neat things.  Heaven loves this, so of course there’s a flawless Wi-Fi connection available throughout paradise.  It may go out once a year, but everyone knows by then to wait 3 days before assuming it’s gone.  You could still watch all the latest movies that you missed out on by dying.  Your dog would eventually join you if it didn’t die first, and now you can feed it all the food you want to without ruining his health.

Everyone wears sandals, but you can’t stub your toes.

Hell would be the same buffet, but every time you try to get food, it’s just closing.  The Wi-Fi works, but you can only connect every 2 minutes, and it goes out every 4 seconds if you use up your 30-Day trial period, which started about 29 days before you died.

You always stub your toe.  No callus is built, it hurts like a virgin toe every time.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s